last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
