They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Be still, my beating vagina.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
