Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
