Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
