and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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