I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
