there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
