I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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