I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
