The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Yo dont text me then not text me
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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