Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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