Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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