you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
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It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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