Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
