I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
