Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
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