We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
