dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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