How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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