what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
