I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize