There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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