I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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