things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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