totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Randomize
