this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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