how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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