no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Just high enough for therapy.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
