I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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