i need an iv and a liver transplant
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You're a waste of cheezeits
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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