Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
