Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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