My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
