I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
