I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
