there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Omg I joined a choir last night...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
