Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm like, not good at living.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
