mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Well I just put wine in my tea
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
