I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
