I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD