a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
worst night to have a conscience
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.