Texts From Last Night

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  (925): View more from California

  im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?

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  (925): im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going? http://tfl.nu/wvih
  Replies (65) Good night (5173) Bad night (1631)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you

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  (412): She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you http://tfl.nu/82k6
  Replies (6) Good night (4576) Bad night (1084)
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  (559): View more from California

  Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.

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  (559): Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie. http://tfl.nu/febc
  Replies (35) Good night (5040) Bad night (2008)
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  (585): View more from New York

  You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.

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  (585): You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you. http://tfl.nu/pv3c
  Replies (9) Good night (7674) Bad night (1127)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive

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  (814): Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive http://tfl.nu/97qq
  Replies (3) Good night (2646) Bad night (1001)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year

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  (704): 2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year http://tfl.nu/2ypx
  Replies (7) Good night (1964) Bad night (950)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.

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  (419): fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back. http://tfl.nu/wq3e
  Replies (11) Good night (4819) Bad night (2090)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.

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  (416): I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn. http://tfl.nu/iixt
  Replies (13) Good night (3023) Bad night (1002)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.

  (1-812): View more from Indiana

  ...the American dream.

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  (812): Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit. (1-812): ...the American dream. http://tfl.nu/qt7c
  Replies (15) Good night (3287) Bad night (881)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.

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  (816): I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong. http://tfl.nu/3jnj
  Replies (4) Good night (625) Bad night (1268)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair

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  (914): Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair http://tfl.nu/v5lw
  Replies (1) Good night (1783) Bad night (472)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now

  (561): View more from Florida

  I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.

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  (423): He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now (561): I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE. http://tfl.nu/f0wr
  Replies (5) Good night (538) Bad night (1249)
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.

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  (316): Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex. http://tfl.nu/moa6
  Replies (5) Good night (1125) Bad night (370)
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.

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  (260): I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then. http://tfl.nu/hywk
  Replies (3) Good night (527) Bad night (598)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION

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  (612): I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION http://tfl.nu/40f3
  Replies (1) Good night (239) Bad night (626)

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