We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.