Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
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