Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(302): View more from Delaware

is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?

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(302): is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"? http://tfl.nu/82yu

Replies (13) Good night (2739) Bad night (963)
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(845): View more from New York

This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.

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(845): This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin. http://tfl.nu/f5uz

Replies (45) Good night (823) Bad night (8113)
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(631): View more from New York

I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.

(631): View more from New York

Cruelly.

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(631): I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away. (631): Cruelly. http://tfl.nu/5k20

Replies (23) Good night (4078) Bad night (1226)
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(303): View more from Colorado

dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds

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(303): dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds http://tfl.nu/9fcs

Replies (19) Good night (1554) Bad night (4527)
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(908): View more from New Jersey

So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.

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(908): So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all. http://tfl.nu/ms6m

Replies (3) Good night (4481) Bad night (795)
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(678): View more from Georgia

He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it

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(678): He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it http://tfl.nu/jk9d

Replies (18) Good night (9706) Bad night (1064)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already

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(508): I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already http://tfl.nu/v6oe

Replies (25) Good night (3867) Bad night (1129)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.

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(860): She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused. http://tfl.nu/7uxa

Replies (12) Good night (3381) Bad night (1142)
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(631): View more from New York

I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse

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(631): I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse http://tfl.nu/4qxw

Replies (14) Good night (704) Bad night (1373)
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(336): View more from North Carolina

Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper

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(336): Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper http://tfl.nu/9t3g

Replies (12) Good night (2237) Bad night (1033)
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(252): View more from North Carolina

I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.

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(252): I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time. http://tfl.nu/viaw

Replies (1) Good night (1218) Bad night (582)
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(302): View more from Delaware

His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass

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(302): His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass http://tfl.nu/wy91

Replies (5) Good night (1450) Bad night (488)
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(937): View more from Ohio

Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.

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(937): Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams. http://tfl.nu/nyo6

Replies (10) Good night (1080) Bad night (528)
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(419): View more from Ohio

So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?

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(419): So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk? http://tfl.nu/8zbp

Replies (8) Good night (570) Bad night (1043)
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(425): View more from Washington

Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk

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(425): Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk http://tfl.nu/cwi2

Replies (10) Good night (397) Bad night (237)

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