I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
