I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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