how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
