In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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