Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize