Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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