Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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