"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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