We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
