Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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