i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
accomplished twins. life is a go
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Randomize
