i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
