Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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