I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
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