It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You need Xanax blowdarts
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
