we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
