You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
