He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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