ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
