Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
