I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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