Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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