He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
