Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
do nipples grow back?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
