threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
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We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
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HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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