apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
