I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
